Sunday, January 13, 2008

Ten Reasons I'm Done With General Hospital

(For now...I reserve ALL rights to come back if I feel the problems are solved or I end up with an immense amount of time on my hands.)

10. Liason--For those who don't watch, it's the coupling of Jason Morgan (ne Jason Quartermaine) and Elizabeth Webber (formerly Elizabeth Spencer, formerly Elizabeth Lansing). I have to say I find them more annoying than jock itch on a warm summer day. First of all, let's get this straight off the bat--they both left the people they claimed to love when those people needed them the most. Flat out. Second of all, they make excuses for it and villianize their former lovers (or in Liz's case, former husband) in order to make themselves feel better. Third of all, I am so tired of the mindless drivvle that comes out of their mouthes--"we can't be together..." "it'd be better for Jake if we weren't together..." (don't mind what'd be better for Cameron, Liz's other son). Just shut up and DON'T BE TOGETHER. Your little "safe house" crap has got to go. We all know nothing is safe in Port Charles and you're so much more selfish than you let yourself believe.

9. The Tao of Sonny--Let's get this straight--the mob is interesting on the Sopranos or in documentaries or in the Godfather--it is NOT cool on daytime TV. Why is it not cool? First of all, you're not doing it right. The purpose of the Godfather and the Sopranos was to show the violence, utter inhumanity and stupidity of the mob. The way GH portrays it, the mob is a career choice, just like becoming a nurse or a teacher. In fact, it's better than becoming a nurse (see "medical stories") below. And you can't do it right no matter what you're doing. The mob scenes you show look like something out of a high school drama club production, your special effects are miserable at best and your storylines are recycled to hell and back. Just stop. Stop it now.

8. Lucky Spencer=Charlie Brown--Good grief, indeed. In the past five years, the character of Lucky Spencer has been dragged through the mud, hung on a line to dry in acid rain, forgotten about, stomped on by a pack of wild dogs and forever changed for the worse. What was once a strong, clever, caring and charismatic character has turned into background noise with only a few shining moments. There was one episode when Liz and Lucky were getting divorced (the second time) and he was with Sam and he said something to the effect of "I'm finally starting to feel like the real me again." Exactly. I'll agree with that to a certain extent. The writers of the show as it stands now will never let Lucky be Lucky--they're too concerned with creating the Tao of Sonny and the Cannonization of Jason (see below) and they've placed Lucky opposite them in every way possible (which is laughable considering his upbringing). For a moment with the LuSam stuff, there was a glimpse of the old Lucky. But just as soon as I started to enjoy that, it got ripped away even quicker. Lucky Spencer would be searching high and low for Emily's real killer and would never believe it was Jason with a lack of facts. Lucky Spencer would be doing more to help his brother. Lucky Spencer isn't the person we see on screen now. And it's sad because I believe that Greg Vaughn is a great actor with a LOT of potential and it's being squandered. But more importantly, the spawn of Luke and Laura--arguably the most important characters of ABC Daytime history (next to Erika and Adam on AMC)--is being treated like the spawn of Satan. And it just ain't right.

7. Barren is the Town--Port Charles, allegedly a bustling port full of business (both legit and otherwise) is completely barren. There are more people in sleepy bedroom towns than there are in PC these days. The hospital is empty (which may lend itself to the reason it might need to be taken over in the first place), the docks are empty, Kelly's is empty, the Metro Court is empty, Sonnybucks is empty, and those are the only places we see. Throw some other background people in there for christ's sake. It's a goddamned ghost town. It was exciting to watch Night Shift because, amongst other reasons, there were OTHER PEOPLE THERE. Just a thought.

6. Legally Blind--This is probably more of a personal pet peeve than one that is shared by others, but the legal ease being thrown around by all in PC is laughable at best. And how is it that anyone can get into the interrogation room at the PCD? Oh and why is there only one interrogation room (maybe it's because the town is barren, see #7 above)? And Jason's most recent murder trial--a freaking joke. When you sequester witnesses, the whole point is that they CAN'T SEE THE TRIAL--they don't put a freaking TV in there. What's the point of sequestering them then? That one is just common sense. And there are so many other things like this day in and day out that grate on my nerves. Hire a fucking consultant--or at least someone with a brain.

5. Disappearing Acts--What ever happened to Lucas? Or Amy? Or Juan? Brooklyn? Ned? Gail and Lee Baldwin? Serena? Lucy? Lois? The list goes on and on. Some of the missing have been given loose explanations, but some are just freaking gone--mid-sentence, mid-storyline. Remember how Lucas was gay? Yeah--I barely do too. Remember how Brooklyn was going to be a singer? How's that working out? Stop taking characters out without explanations or follow up. It's sad. (See also Vets, below)

4. The Villianization of Miss X--Why is it that successful or strong women are seen as undatable or somehow made of stone? Alexis was seen this way for years and was only seen as something else when her daughter got sick. Even then she was seen as a bitch (while if it had been Morgan or Michael sick, Carly's movement of heaven and earth would not have been seen as so inappropriate). Why is it that in order for Sonny to fit in with Kate she has to give up her goals and her accomplishments? Where is Lucy Coe--someone who was successful and vulnerable? They're gone. And it's sad. It's even sadder that the viewers--who are primarily female--haven't raised hell about this.

3. The Canonization of Jason Morgan--Jason Morgan is going to be the last surviving member of the Quartermaine clan. Mark my words on this one. For some odd reason, this Morgan character took off. Good boy gone bad. Bad boy with a golden soul. Hard shell, gooey center. However you want to classify it, we're sick of it. I don't see what's so grand about Jason. He puts up with the most ridiculous shit from Carly. He takes shit from Sonny which puts his life in danger, he sulks around like it were his job, he never freaking laughs, and he can't remember his life before the "accident". Oooooohhh...sounds like a catch to me. Write us something new, and maybe I'll be interested. I'm sick of Jason's revolving door heart with women he's loyal to until he's sick of them (Courtney, Sam, Liz will be soon). It's laughable that he is seen as so loyal.

2. Is this really General Hospital? I have wondered for a long time why they don't change the name of the show. I mean, so little of it has to do with the hospital. Sure, when Sonny gets shot, Jason has a bad headache, Carly wants to get knocked up or Robin is around, that's fine (and for the record I love Robin), but in general, the show isn't about a hospital at all. It used to be. It used to be about the lives of the doctors and nurses who worked there and gave their lives and time to the hospital. Now it's about the mob. The mob and random killers--whether it be Manny Ruiz, the Text Message Killer, whatever. In fact, the last time people remembered there was a hospital in any sort of extended capacity was during the deadly virus breakout about a year or so ago. Other than that, the hospital is just a background for other people to come in. What kind of hospital just allows random folks to hang out in it? And what people who don't work in a hospital want to hang out in one? And are Robin and Patrick ER docs? Why were they sent to work in the ER? I thought they were freaking neurologists? And I love Scrubs, and it makes me sad to think I'm leaving just as they're going to get knocked up, but one storyline a soap opera does not make.

1. PC History-X--Remember the Quartermaines? I do, but I'm sure many people tuning in over the past five years have no clue of their importance in the city. And they're not the only ones falling under the bus to the Sonny-Jason-Carly-Etc Express. The fact is that the people in charge of GH today have no sense of history, no sense of purpose, and in an industry that is based on viewer loyalty, it's not only detrimental it's downright terminal. Remember the Nurse's Ball? I'd watch that every year with such glee. It was such a fun time where all the characters interacted. The stunts they pull these days (the Black and White Ball, the "hostage crisis," the virus) simply pale in comparison to big blockbusters of days past. Scotty's back so where the heck is Serena? And what happened to Lucy Coe? Where's the Christmas Story at the hospital? Or how about the Q's Thanksgiving Pizza (and more than just a shot of a pizza on the table with a turkey--because there was no turkey before)? It's simply vanished into thin air--which is probably where GH's ratings have gone as well. They have dropped drastically and continue to do so. And yet the SAME mistakes continue to be made. When will they learn?

So now I'm going to erase the recording settings for GH on my DVR. I have far too little time to be devoting five hours a week to a show that doesn't seem to care about itself, let alone its viewers. There are so many books to read, so many movies to see, so many other good television programs to watch that spending any more time with this one would be a sin.

And so, ABC Daytime, you just lost a viewer who has been watching for so many years--who was born in the year Luke and Laura got married, who was glued to the TV when they came back to town, who endured Port Charles and Night Shift, and who has been unmistakably loyal, watching every episode since the advent of Soap Net and DVRs.

I suspect I'm not alone in this. And I suspect that it's sad.

On a side note, part of the reason I am leaving is that GH is now using scab writers to continue GH during the WGA strike. I am directly opposed to this and for that reason alone would have stopped watching until the conclusion of the strike. Now I am pretty sure I won't go back after.

I'm sorry for the storylines that I will miss like the Scubs baby, but there are far too many that I won't. Far too many.

So adieu. I have way too much to do to waste five hours a week on you, GH.

1 Comment:

Anonymous said...

haha wow is all i have to say. I have to totally agree with u on a lot of these things. I stoped watching GH a while ago and i think about it from time time but it makes me angry most of the time. One thing that always pissed me off was how Jason was so addicted to Carly. That bitch. I HATED her!!! I loved Jason and Sam but that whole leave her to saver her crap was gettin old. Now that he's with Liz, it makes me sick!!he'll leave her to saver too soon. and all the other stuff was true too!! Just Great.


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