Knocked Up

No, not me...but darn near everyone else.

Let's see...we have
J Lo
Christina Aguilera
Cate Blanchett
Lilly Allen
Jessica Alba
That youngest Hanson brother's chick
Angela from the Office
Brooke Burke
and of course...Jamie Lynn Spears

Now, to be fair, I did look up a few of those on Celebrity Pregnancy but it sure does seem that there's a rash of pregnancy going on these days. Maybe it's just we're hearing about it more. Either way.

The most hilarious part of the Jamie Lynn Spears thing is how Lynne Spears's book about parenting has now been put on hold indefinitely. Obviously it'll be a best seller--of course, it'll sell well as a way to teach new and soon-to-be parents how NOT to parent.

Has anyone heard of a condom in Hollywood? I mean I know a few of those were planned, but my god...you gotta cap that shit before you end up in the welfare line. You'd think Jamie Lynn would have seen the mess her sister has made of herself and jumped on a double dose of OrthoTriCyclen immediately.

Shit my Nana could have told you years ago.

I guess they've FINALLY figured out that the Baby Einstein videos aren't as special as some would think. In fact, plopping your kid in front of a TV, no matter how educational it may seem, is probably not a good idea 24/7 (or even 12/3.5).

Um duh. Ida would have told you that years ago. We were only allowed to watch Sesame Street and some game shows, but mostly told to go outside and play.

Sesame Street is the shiznit, though. Don't even try to stop it from being the best. You will fail. Just ask the Baby Einstein folks.

And those Baby Einstein videos are scary as all hell. There will be random pictures that flash before you that seem to have nothing to do with one another. I have a feeling that Baby Einstein graduates will all grow up and participate in a mass suicide after drinking some Kool-Aid. Probably in front of a TV.

LESSON: TEACH YOUR DAMN KIDS YOUR DAMN SELF.

A One-Family Hot Mess Parade

This chick in Arkansas (go figure) just popped out her 17th kid. It's a girl! Oh boy...just add another name on the list. And the best part...they want to have more.

Wait...

Jennifer joins the fast-growing Duggar brood, who live in Tontitown in a 7,000-square-foot home. All the children — whose names start with the letter J — are home-schooled.

Great. So they won't have any social skills outside of their psychotic "J" family. I'm really not a fan of homeschooling, if you couldn't tell.

Of course the labor didn't take long either.

It actually went fast," she said. "I guess once I started progressing, it went within 30 minutes."

I'm actually surprised it took that long. You'd think the place is like a runway with those guys with the lightsabres by now.

Dear god. Please don't have more. And these people need to realize that it's not a gift from God--it's a freaking bad job at family planning. Adopt a few kids who need homes. That really irritates the bejezus out of me. We have enough people on this planet. Let's take care of them first.